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Popular media creates the notion of instant and romantic relationships. Even though we all know they don’t happen that quickly, most people hope for satisfying relationships in their lives.

A growing body of research describes the behaviors, skills and communication patterns that help people build and maintain healthy relationships. UW-Extension is working to develop and share educational information that can help individuals and couples acquire more healthy relationship-building skills. And, hopefully, improve relationships.

No couple agrees on everything. Sometimes when things don’t seem to be going well in a relationship, we focus much of our time and attention on the problems. Some may even see their partner as the problem.

Here are suggestions for more positive approaches to address the challenges.

Compare growing a healthy relationship to growing a healthy garden. Both take planning, special care, cultivation and effort to reap a bountiful harvest.

Commit to making a sustained effort in your relationship. You might start out with great visions, but weeds, bad weather, pests and distractions can threaten your garden and your dreams. Committing regular time and energy to caring for your relationship is essential.

Expand your own strengths. Successful gardeners must invest time in reflection and learning. Learning new strategies and ways to deal with things also expands the strengths we bring to our partnerships. Remember to appreciate your past, present and future.

Careful attention to plants’ well-being can produce a radiant garden — it doesn’t happen on its own. We might need to increase the support we give to each other and time spent together to help make a relationship flourish. Weeding out destructive thoughts and actions and thinking peaceful thoughts prepares you to communicate in a healthy way.

Show some understanding. At times gardeners get sunburned or bitten by bugs. Rather than scolding your partner for not using sunscreen or being more careful, try a little compassion instead. Try doing nice things for each other — no matter how small.

Appreciate your differences. Researchers have found that happy couples are willing to keep their negative thoughts and feelings about each other from overwhelming their positive ones. Couples might have very real differences that won’t simply disappear by talking about them — especially when anger and negativity pervade the discussion. Choose to stay calm, listen attentively, and try to understand your partner’s view.

Give back to your community. When gardens are productive, it’s good to share the bounty with others. Working together as a couple to contribute to the community helps to strengthen a relationship. It requires finding a common purpose and a chance to bring important ideals to life.

It is important to keep perspective through both the good and more challenging times in your relationship. Some couples do have unresolvable differences. Accepting the other person and learning to live with some of their differences can help you enjoy the bounty of the relationship.

For more information or to make comments on the information contained in Coulee Consumer, write to La Crosse County UW-Extension, Attention: Coulee Consumer, 400 N. Fourth St., La Crosse, WI 54601, or call 785-9593.

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